How to start over again even if you don’t think you are ready
There have been more times I can count on one single hand that I’ve had to start to again.
To brush the dust from my knees.
After suffering from Anorexia and depression in my teenage years and having to rebuild my life from the ground up, I found my once stable life collapse after developing thyroid cancer in my twenties. As Anorexia entered my world once more, my life began to crumble even further.
I’ve come to know that even though your world as you knew it may be shattered into a million pieces you can start again.
It is through rebuilding my life from the ground up that I carry these lessons with me forever.
Healing takes time
So many times I wished to be 10 steps ahead than where I was. By wanting to be ‘ahead’ I was in effect denying the experience of the present moment. I was forgetting the brave steps I had taken to get to where I was. Healing from whatever has rocked your world takes time. It is in the process of healing that you receive the greatest of gifts and insights. Your journey has been insurmountable, take the time to acknowledge where you have been and all that you have done to get to where you are today.
There are many layers to grief
I’ve always had an aversion to grief. It was in fact something that triggered depression in my younger years. An emotion I was so afraid of. The more we allow ourselves to lean into our emotions, to self soothe and respond to this pain in a compassionate way, we soften into the knowing that the emotion will pass in it’s own natural way. I’ve learnt to not be be afraid of grief. To lean into it despite at times it feeling as though my heart was breaking into a million pieces. The more I responded with love and compassion, the more my heart began to mend.
Whenever you go through a time of great transition, whether you’ve been hit with illness, a marriage breakup or a career change, there is no denying it that you will see the world so very differently.You aren’t the same person before your big wake up call. The world looks different. Your eyes perhaps seeing the world for the very first time. Often we can carry the burdens of the past on our shoulders, bringing old beliefs with us into new experiences. Allow yourself to be curious and to have a beginners mind. To go into new situations we an open mind, an open heart and hold a notion of curiosity.
Surround yourself with people who lift you higher.
People come and go in your life. They may stay for a minute, for a season or for a lifetime. As you transform and find your way in the world again, you may find yourself not connecting on the same level with the same people that once graced your life. This is evolutionary. As hard as it is to let go of people, you allow an openness and space for new people to enter your world. When you find your tribe you will feel an overwhelming sense of belonging, of heartfelt connection and of being supported for a higher purpose. Grab hold of this new opportunity. Step out of your comfort zone and meet with people who have similar interests to you.
Lean into your pain
For so many year I ran from my fears and and my anxieties. I numbed out every emotion at any chance I got. Feeling was too much. The moment of deepest change came into my life when I began to visualise myself holding my anxiety like that of a precious baby tendering to her needs. It was this moment I decided to rewrite my story. Once I began to see my emotional pain as pain, I realised that by running away, I was only making the problem persist. Become friends with your alley. Your emotions are there for a reason guiding you to where you need to go. Listen. You deserve love and compassion. Never give up on yourself.
Become a compassionate observer
Learn to be compassionate to your inner world and to observe your thoughts as merely thoughts. You do not have to believe everything your mind tells you. You have a choice whether you listen or not. Try to see your thoughts as clouds floating past or running down a stream of water, allowing their self inflicting wounds to bounce off you at rapid pace.
Find stillness each day. Life can be stressful at the best of times and more so when you are going through a transition and a period of great change. Find that place within where you can go when the world feels fraught with tension, anxieties and worries. Meditation will bring you greater peace and stillness as well as many positive effects on your health.
Remember your WHY
When life gets thrown upside down it can be easy to forget your reasoning for everything you’ve ever known. Knowing your WHY is what gets you through the hard times and helps you get back up even in the face of adversity. Uncover your desires, your values and how it is that you want to feel in the world and this will be your starting edge and help you to keep getting back up again and again. Ask yourself “what is it that gets me out of bed in the morning” What is it that helps me put one foot in front of the other even when the darkness is shielding the light?”
Stop judging yourself
Your current circumstance has brought you to this place you now find yourself. You may be holding a multitude of feelings such a as guilt and shame. These emotions carry with them a heavy energy and can leave you feeling weighed down and exhausted. Learn to accept who you are with an open heart and begin to treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would show to a good friend or even a stranger. Life isn’t about being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but rather learning to be open to each new experience that comes our way. It is our Ego that likes to label ourselves this way only leading us to the notion of needing ‘more’ to reach a never ending destination. Catch your thoughts when you begin to judge your situation or yourself by using the mantra from A Course In Miracles “Today I will judge nothing that occurs”.
Listen to your intuition
My intuition is my guiding force. There have been times in my life where I have gone against it and in hindsight I have been able to see where this lead me off path. If something doesn’t feel right, attend to it. Don’t suppress it. Your inner guidance wants to be listened to. Unlock the latch that keeps it hidden and give yourself the gift of being lead by the very thing that knows your divine right.
Choose love over fear
By choosing love over fear you allow yourself to connect with your inner sage. In moments of anxiety, fear, dread and when that inner critic is talking so loud that you can’t hear anything but it’s diminishing thoughts, ask yourself “What would I do if I loved myself?” I assure you, this will lead you on a different path than the path of your inner critic.
Have an attitude of gratitude
Gratitude can change your day, your week, your month and your lifetime. The practice of gratitude spun my world in a completely different direction. No longer did I see the glass as half empty but half full. Being grateful for all that I have, the changes my life has ensured and the person I have become as a result of listening to my inner guidance has allowed gratitude to come into my life and for me to be open to receive. Each day write down 3 things you are grateful for and allow an attitude of gratitude into your life.
You have not failed
Whenever we get thrown a curve ball in whatever form it can be easy to feel as though we have failed at life. I know, because i’ve been there. It’s a never ending story that only keeps you stuck and hidden from the world. If you learnt something from your experience and have been able to take this with you then you have not failed. The next time you feel as though you have failed ask yourself ‘What did I learn from this experience?’ Take this lesson with you as you begin to move forwards.
Like a caterpillar who sheds her cocoon, the process is heartbreaking, uncomfortable and at times down right messy, but this is the transformation period. You will transform, expand and move through the rubble into your true self.
It is in this space that you find your own truth.
You get to become the designer of your life, a clean slate, ready for splatters of paint, in your very own colours.